1.
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

2.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

3.
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

4.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

5.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

6.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

7.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher...snakes don't have feet.

8.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

9.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

10.
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

11.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

Labels: clever

 

How would you make your marriage work?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

Both don’t want any more kids.

What do most people do on a date?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

When is it okay to kiss someone?

When they’re rich.

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.

What is the right age to get married?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

Is it better to be single or married?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

How do you decide whom to marry?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.

Labels: funny, kids, marriage, relationships

 

Angry German Kid

Got to love him - two words - self medication.